


Cold Feet

by STARSdidathing



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dorks in Love, Engagement, Established Relationship, Feels, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Gets a Hug, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Love, M/M, Marriage, Not Canon Compliant, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unspecified Setting, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24385099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing
Summary: Tony is engaged to Loki. He wants nothing but to marry the mage. But the difference in their lifespans makes him think it's not worth the pain his lover will suffer through if they go through with it.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 53
Kudos: 519





	Cold Feet

Tony loved Loki more than anyone in the world. 

He adored his friends, his bots and his AI, but Loki still managed to eclipse them all. He was amazing and special and somehow, he loved _Tony_. They fit together like two missing pieces and Tony had thought he would willingly do anything his lover asked of him - but he was beginning to have second thoughts about _this_.

They had been together for three years, but five months ago Loki had completely stunned him. He’d bent down on one knee in the middle of the lab, in front of the bots and uncaring that Tony was covered in inventing grime. He’d asked with hopeful eyes and a nervous smile, ‘ _will you do me the greatest honour, Anthony Stark, and consent to be my husband?_ ”

Tony had said yes instantly and been swept up in a hug and a kiss. Loki had fucking _twirled_ him and the bots had pulled party crackers that Loki had secretly set up. JARVIS even played celebratory music.

They laughed and smiled as Loki slipped on silver rings he’d had commissioned on Alfheim. They were hand carved and elegant. There were protection spells layered into them and where Tony had a gold stone with two green ones nested on either side, Loki had a gold stone and two smaller red ones in a matching setting. They were boldly wearing each other’s colours for the universe to see.

And for a good few months, Tony had been walking around on cloud nine. He’d fingered the band constantly while wearing a silly smile. He’d planned the wedding in great detail with Loki. He kissed his fiancé any chance he got and he announced to the team and the world that he was taken and going off the market.

It had taken halfway through the fourth month for one nosy reporter to ask if Stark Industries would go to Loki when Tony died. Tony had dismissed the comment at the time, telling them he had no plans to die and so the question wasn’t relevant. It had gained a few light-hearted laughs and a change of subject. But, the question had caught in the back of his mind and spread insidiously into his thoughts.

What _would_ happen when he died? What would happen when he _aged_ and Loki remained just as young and spritely as ever? What would happen in fifty years time when Loki was a widow?

Loki was asking to spend their lives together, but Tony wouldn’t be around for all of Loki’s. Tony was going to leave Loki sooner rather than later. He was going to accept the offer to tie Loki even further to him and then he was going to break Loki’s heart and leave him alone.

And once that thought took hold, it wouldn’t budge.

He tried to ignore it. He tried to focus on the wedding and Loki’s excitement. He smiled at Loki’s plans to take him honeymooning on Alfheim. He nodded along when Loki told him about the Asgardian rituals he wanted to incorporate into the ceremony. 

He tried not to let his lover see his anxiety, dread and growing guilt with every new facet of the wedding that he approved.

So he tried to avoid it. He buried himself in the lab and told Loki to do whatever he wanted for the wedding.

Loki noticed his behaviour, of course and Tony felt further guilt every time Loki asked what was wrong and he deflected. He claimed wedding jitters, but he knew it wasn’t helping either of them for him to keep lying.

It was what found him unable to work in the lab. He was rubbing his face and leaning over his workbench. It was less than a month to the wedding and he knew he couldn’t keep doing this to himself, or to them.

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath. 

He’d felt so elated in the beginning. He’d wanted to marry Loki, more than he'd ever wanted anything else. But things weren’t so simple, were they? And there was always a good reason Tony Stark couldn’t have nice things. He always wrecked them.

Tony didn’t want to wreck Loki. He didn’t want to _hurt_ him. He knew in the long run that breaking things off would be for the best. So why did turning and walking out of the lab feeling like a death march? Why did standing in the elevator and going up to the penthouse feel like he was heading to the gallows?

_Because you know this will destroy everything._

Tony closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. He also looked down at his hand and the ring that Loki had commissioned for him. He loved the design, what it symbolised and every bit of love Loki had woven into it.

It sent pain through his chest to slide it off, but Tony gritted his teeth and removed it. He placed it in his palm and curled his fingers around it. The doors of the elevator opened a moment later, and it was now or never.

He walked into the penthouse with his shoulders set and his jaw clenched.

Tony found his lover on the couch reading a book. His ring caught the light in a mocking display of commitment that Tony couldn’t share. The ache in his chest was spreading and each footstep was heavy as he made his way over to the mage.

Loki lifted his head, a smile on his face that disappeared the moment he saw Tony. 

“Anthony,” he dropped his book and sat up from his relaxed slouch. “What is it?”

Tony swallowed roughly past the lump in his throat. He forced his hand out between them and opened his palm.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, feeling wretched. It only got worse as he saw Loki’s eyes alight on the ring and his face fell. “I can’t.”

Loki’s gaze flooded with pain. He looked entirely gutted and Tony had to look away. He wanted to _run_ away. He felt his own heart breaking at causing his lover such pain.

“I’m so s-sorry,” his voice cracked on the word and Tony turned away completely. 

He kept the ring in his palm because he couldn’t bear to drop it. He started to head to the bar, planning to leave it and leave Loki, but he heard the mage leap to his feet.

“Anthony, wait! Stop!” His caught Tony’s arm and Tony stilled. Loki came around to stand in front of him. His fingers trembled as he caught Tony’s chin and directed Tony to look at him. “Please, open your eyes, love.”

The plea found Tony doing as Loki asked. Loki’s face was filled with confusion which was only just masking his agony. “Why are you doing this?”

Tony swallowed. He wanted to curl into Loki’s arms and have him wipe Tony’s pain and problems away with wise words and a magical gesture. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with this man. He wanted them to be _happy_ , but he couldn’t let this happen.

“We can’t do this, Loki.” He brought up the hand not holding the ring and touched Loki’s face. “I’m sorry. I love you more than anything, but we can’t do this.”

“ _Why?_ ” Loki demanded, frustrated and upset. He curled his cheek into Tony’s touch and let his eyes close. “Why are you doing this, Anthony? You agreed. Why... why do you no longer wish to...”

_Marry me._

He didn’t say the words, but Tony heard them; it was layered in every coiled bit of insecure tension, every vulnerable emotion in the mage’s eyes and voice.

“No, no, no,” Tony insisted, coming closer and fully cupping Loki’s cheek. He also kissed the man, soft and loving, feeling Loki press into it. He didn’t let it linger. “This is not you. God, Loki. I want to marry you so much, but-”

“But, _what?_ ” Loki demanded, opening his eyes and staring at Tony as if trying to look into his mind and drag out the answer.

“I’m going to die on you,” Tony admitted, unable to lie. His answer slackened Loki’s face. “Maybe not for ten years, maybe only a few months after we’re married. I don’t know when it will be, but it _will_ be centuries before you.” 

Tony closed his eyes and gave in, shuffling closer and pressing his face against Loki’s neck. He breathed in the warmth and comfort of the other man. 

“I’m a heartbeat,” he whispered. 

It was the same phrase Loki had dismissively used to describe mortals long before they got together. He felt Loki stiffen over him using it now. 

“I can’t marry you, Lokes. I can’t put you through this. You need to make this commitment with someone who’s going to stick around for longer than I am.”

“I don’t _want_ anyone else,” Loki instantly protested. He also cupped the back of Tony’s neck and tugged him backwards so they could look at each other. Loki’s eyes were desperate. “Please, my love. I knew all of this when I asked for you to commit to me in this way.”

Tony grimaced and shook his head. “This will hurt you so much more, Lokes. I don’t want you sitting around watching me waste away and-”

“Is that not my choice?” Loki hissed, a hint of anger entering his voice. It was gone a moment later, as his voice turned soft and pleading once more. “Anthony, I wish to marry _you_ , no other. Only you. This is what I want more than any other thing. I want you as my husband and I want to be _yours_. I want our lives to be tied together in marriage.” 

Loki’s hand came down and clenched Tony’s, the ring dug into his skin and the physical pain was a sharp contrast to the emotional ache in Tony’s chest. 

“ _Please_ ,” Loki begged his green eyes wide and hopeful. “Please, Anthony. Do not do this to us.”

Tony still didn’t like it and the guilt continued to claw at him. “I don’t want you to have to watch me grow old.”

Loki shook his head and brought his other hand to Tony’s. He clasped it between them and brought it up to his lips. He kissed Tony’s fingers but never broke eye-contact. “I would cherish to be with you to the end, Anthony. I would rather spend a hundred days as your husband then have a lifetime not knowing that pleasure.” 

Tony felt himself wavering and he knew Loki could see it.

“Please,” Loki said again, closing his eyes and kissing Tony’s fingers once more. “Please do not reject this. Please let us marry, Anthony.”

It was enough to crumble the last of Tony’s resistance. 

“Okay,” he whispered. “Okay. We can still get married.”

Loki let out a loud breath of relief. He also slumped forward, his body trembling with the force of the tension leaving him. His fingers faintly shook as he unwound Tony’s hand and took the ring. Tony offered no resistance as Loki slipped it back on his finger. 

Loki let out another shuddering breath and kissed the ring. He then pulled Tony into his arms and wrapped him in a hug. Tony melted into the embrace. He still had reservations about letting Loki marry him, but at least Tony knew that Loki wasn’t oblivious to the pitfalls of picking a mortal as a husband.

If Loki was still willing to marry him knowing that, it wouldn’t stop Tony’s guilt, but at least it helped to ease it a little.

* * *

Loki took to watching him like a hawk in the weeks leading up to the wedding. He was also more affectionate, both physically and verbally.

He hugged, kissed him, and held Tony’s hand at any available opportunity. He also whispered how much he loved Tony, how much it meant to Loki for Tony to marry him. His every touch and word was an entreaty; _please, don’t say no._

Tony still lay awake at night, lying in bed thinking this was a terrible idea they would come to regret, but one look at Loki sleeping pressed up against him, and Tony knew he could never say no to his lover.

 _I’ll do this for you_ , Tony thought on more than one occasion.

Because if Loki was willing to watch him die, if Loki _knew_ and still chose that outcome, how could Tony reject him?

He did love Loki, and he _did_ want to spend the rest of his life with Loki. He wanted to marry him, but he didn’t want to make everything so much harder for Loki. He didn’t want to make Loki a widow who was forced to watch Tony disappear only to wander the universe with a ring and a heart that didn’t have its partner. 

Tony privately hoped that Loki could find someone else to love, that he could forget about Tony and be happy someday. He hoped with all his heart that this wouldn’t be Loki’s only wedding; that he could be _happy_ after Tony was gone.

It was the only thought that kept Tony from pulling off the ring again.

The day before the wedding, Loki was a nervous wreck. His eyes were haunted and his skin was pale. He was double and triple-checking everything. His gaze kept darting to Tony and the ring on his hand as if worried he and it might disappear.

It had Tony walking over to his lover and wrapping his arms around Loki’s waist. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek on Loki’s back. He also promised him, “I’m not going to take it back or change my mind. I’ll marry you tomorrow, Loki.”

Loki pulled in a shaky breath. His body tense against Tony’s. 

“You must marry me because you want to, Anthony,” Loki whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “It must be because you love me, because you _want_ to commit to me.”

“I _do_ ,” Tony swore, hugging him tighter. “God, Loki. I want to be with you forever.” He let out a heavy breath. “If I wasn’t mortal, I wouldn’t even fucking blink. I’d be impatiently waiting for the ceremony, I’d,” he laughed roughly. “I’d be asking to elope with you to Vegas in order to make it happen faster.”

Loki didn’t laugh with him. His hands came down and linked with Tony’s. His chin was pointed down and Tony knew he was staring at their rings. Tony’s heart ached and he kissed Loki’s back through his shirt.

“I just can’t stand that I’m going to hurt you,” Tony whispered. “I know you say not marrying me would hurt you more, but fuck Lokes, I’m a futurist and a realist and this is such a bad bet for you.” He chuckled bleakly. “You deserve better.”

“No _other_ could be better,” Loki insisted, his words a low vow. “You are-”

“I know,” Tony quickly but gently cut in. “I know you love me. I know I’m who you want. It’s the same for me and you don’t need to convince me to walk down the aisle.” He kissed Loki’s back again. He also closed his eyes and sighed. “I wish I could make this day happier for you.”

“You will be marrying me,” Loki whispered, but his voice was thick with emotions and not all of them were happy. “That is all I need to be happy.”

It wasn’t a lie, but it was a half-truth. This was meant to be the most exciting and happiest day of their lives, and here Tony was, fucking it up without even trying. His fiancé was terrified Tony would get cold feet again and back out. _Tony_ was agonised over what the future would hold for Loki and it made it hard to think about the benefits and happiness of _being_ with Loki.

In short, it was a fucking mess and it was all because of Tony Stark.

No one should be surprised. He was a disaster waiting to happen, and it was a miracle Loki still wanted to be with him. It was a miracle Loki was trying so hard to keep their wedding from falling apart. He should have jumped ship right now.

 _But, he won’t,_ Tony knew, _he will marry and love you until the end._

The thought stung Tony’s eyes and made it hard to swallow around the lump in his throat. He didn’t deserve someone like Loki - and for fucks sake, Loki had more than declared where he stood on this subject. Tony needed to stop wallowing and focus on the _good_ parts of their wedding.

They would be husbands; they would be honeymooning on Alfheim. This would be the start of a new chapter in Tony’s life, and it was up to him to decide if it would start on the right foot or the wrong one.

Taking in a deep breath, Tony forced down all his worries, guilt and fears and focused on the warmth and scent of his fiancé. He focused on their linked fingers and the silver band that was on his finger. This was the man he loved most in the world and he would be marrying him tomorrow.

Tony quirked a faint smile. “Loki?”

“Yes, Anthony?”

His voice was free of pain or strain, it was _genuine_ and that was what counted; “Want to elope to Vegas?”

His question startled a small huff of laughter from Loki. It also made some of the tension fade from Loki’s body. He always could read Tony like a book.

“Absolutely not,” he answered. “I have spent too long planning this.”

Tony smiled and rested his cheek against Loki’s back. “I suppose I can wait twenty-four hours to be your husband.”

Loki let out another shaky breath and Tony tried not to feel horrible for putting that fear into his lover’s heart. He could only try to make up for it tomorrow and in every day that followed. 

_I won’t make him regret marrying me_ , Tony swore. _I’ll do everything I can to make him happy, for as long as I can._

* * *

Their wedding day arrived and Tony was still nervous. A part of his mind was screaming about why this was a bad idea, but he resolutely shoved it down. 

He focused on Loki’s growing excitement. He focused on the happiness of his friends and the way Pepper was already dabbing her eyes before Tony had even put on his suit. Rhodey was more composed, but even he looked thrilled and emotional for Tony.

It was only a small ceremony and was held on the beach outside Tony’s Malibu home with Loki and Tony’s closest friends. There were a number of people from the Nine Realms that Loki had invited and it made the group a rather eclectic bunch, but all that really mattered to Tony was the way Loki was standing at the start of the makeshift aisle, ready to take his arm so they could walk up it together.

Loki was in formal Asgardian wear and he looked _stunning_. He was nervously fiddling with a leather strap, but when Tony came up beside him and Loki spotted him, all of his uncertainty melted away.

He smiled at Tony with such pure happiness that warmth flooded Tony’s chest. If he could only make Loki that happy for the next two decades, it would be enough. It would make Tony feel like he'd truly accomplished something in his life.

“Hey,” he whispered as he stepped close and took Loki’s hand. “Ready to get married?”

“Are you?” Loki questioned, searching Tony’s face, searching for any hint of doubt.

Tony just smiled at him and squeezed his lover’s hand. “Not a doubt in my mind.”

Loki’s smile became softer, but his eyes were bright with relief and joy. He was sure Loki would have said something, maybe even kissed him, but the sound of music prompted them to turn towards the aisle and start walking down it.

After that, it was as easy as anything to reach the altar, to hold Loki’s hands and make a vow that was as old as time. 

They married in Earth culture and in Asgardian. They kissed for the mortals, and tied their hands together with silk for the Aesir. The cheering and clapping from everyone around them was almost deafening, but Tony couldn’t focus on anything but his lover’s face.

“You married me,” Loki whispered, sounding both awed and incredibly relieved.

“Of course I did,” Tony answered, shifting and brushing their lips together again.

Loki’s smile was beautiful and he tugged Tony away from the altar and down the silk path laid out for them. Flower petals were falling from the sky around them from a spell and Tony found he couldn’t look away from his _husband_ as Loki led him away from the guests and back up to Tony’s home.

The reception was to be held outside the mansion where tables, chairs and a marquee had been set up. Loki however, brought them inside and away from prying eyes. Tony was confused, but the moment the door was shut, Loki was turning to him and clasping his hands.

“My beloved, my _husband_ , you listened to me despite your fears. You _married_ me despite your guilt and worries.” Loki’s eyes were awed. “You _trusted_ me.”

Tony frowned, feeling uncertain. “I’ve always trusted you, Loki. And I love you, I wanted to marry you.”

“I know,” Loki said, looking purely delighted. “And my love, you have made me happier than I can ever describe.” 

He bent down and kissed Tony with passion and excitement. When he pulled back, he was still grinning. He let Tony’s hands go and held his own in the air between them.

“There is a law among the Aesir, one not even I can tamper with or work around. It involves mortals, my dearest, and more specifically, how worthy they are.”

The air above Loki’s hands shimmered before a large, golden apple appeared. Tony’s eyes widened. He’d read the myths, but Loki had called bullshit on so many of them. Loki had never _mentioned_ the apples. He’d thought they were just one more lie or exaggeration.

“It is forbidden to tell a mortal of them or how they can be earned.” Loki whispered. “It is done so as to prevent mortals from seeking them unjustly. But it is an Asgardian decree that should any mortal love and marry an Aesir that mortal would be granted an Apple of Idunn.”

Loki held it out to Tony with one hand, while the other stroked Tony’s cheek. Tony couldn’t stop staring at the apple that changed _everything_.

“You have chosen me, my love.” Loki kissed his forehead, he also laughed, sounding incredulous. “You have become my husband, and now you can become mine for eternity.”

Tony was completely stunned, his disbelief was encompassing and it took him a long time to register what was being said. When he did, he reached for the apple with shaking hands. He pulled it against his chest as his mind shifted and made way for this new information.

It made everything he’d been terrified of and dreading disappear. He wouldn’t be dying on Loki in ten or twenty years, he’d be living for _centuries_ alongside his husband. It was amazing, it was _insane_ and as it started to sink in, Tony found a laugh bubbling out of him.

He dragged his gaze from the apple to look at his smiling lover. It seemed Tony was right all along when he’d told the reporter her question wasn’t relevant. Loki wasn’t going to be inheriting Stark Industries any time soon.

“Have I mentioned how much I love you?” Tony asked.

Loki laughed softly and brushed the back of his fingers over Tony’s cheek. “I do believe that was implied when you married me.”

“Well, I _do_ love you,” Tony insisted, and he further proved it by bringing up the apple and taking a bite. 

He held Loki’s eyes the entire time, watching them flood with pure joy. The juice was sweet and refreshing. He could _feel_ his body getting healthier and fresher by the second. Tony kept on eating it until only the core was left. When Loki prompted him to eat that too, he did without hesitation, finding it just as delicious as the rest. When he finished, Loki caught his lips in a kiss, tasting the apple on his tongue. 

“My Anthony,” Loki whispered against his lips. “You make me happier than I ever imagined possible.”

Tony felt his heart lurch in the most beautiful of ways and he brushed his nose against Loki’s. “You make me feel the same. You make me forget I ever had a reason to feel something else.”

Loki smiled and pulled Tony closer and into a hug that he melted into. He wrapped his arms around his husband and rested his head on Loki’s shoulder. 

He knew they would have to go out soon, greet their friends and family and celebrate their wedding, but right now, Tony wanted to stay right here, safe in the arms of the most important person in his life; the man he had married, and the person he would remain with for the rest of eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I just wanted wedding uncertainty feels but without doubting their love or relationship, rather so much love Tony wanted to avoid overly hurting Loki. (And then Loki couldn't tell him the truth, layering in pleading/more feels and love/trust winning out anyway).
> 
> Basically, I just wanted to slam you all with feels and angst only to make it better XP
> 
> Hope you liked!


End file.
